Sweet Cade

I am very behind in blogging (Nate's birthday, Wiggles, school starting) and even more behind in work, but I just need to talk about Cade for a minute. My sweet, sweet boy.

Cade has started his therapy with an Pediatric Occupational Therapist. His first session was frustrating and depressing to me. It was not the therapist's fault, or Cade's fault, or my fault. It just was. In my head, I knew that a single therapy session would not "fix" him. I truly did not expect dramatic improvement from a single session. I think that starting therapy just brought it home that my baby has to deal with this. I think I was hoping to learn some good tricks from the session so that I could help Cade with his behavior. I wished that I would have asked more questions. Honestly, it was impossible to ask many questions because I had Nate with me. For some reason, Nate did not understand that the therapy gym was not meant for him. I spent most of the time chasing him around and dealing with his unhappiness at being told "no". Not the most fun. I left feeling so sad and frustrated. Honestly, I was very depressed after the first session.

The next session, I was more prepared. I left Nate with a neighbor and I peppered the poor therapist with a ton of questions. I left feeling more upbeat and like I did have some strategies to help Cade. His therapist was going to be gone the next week, but I felt prepared. Cade proceeded to have a really, really tough couple of weeks. I cannot put into words the frustration that I was feeling. I would like to say that it did not get the best of me, but that would add lying to my list of sins during this time. I felt like the worst mother ever.

Then came meet the teacher. Cade has been very excited about starting school. I have been extremely worried about how he will do. We met his very nice teacher. She had never even heard of Sensory Processing Disorder or Sensory Integration Disorder. She had not even been told that Cade had this issue. I won't even talk about how I have been informing the school of this and they were going to make certain that his teacher was informed. I set up a meeting with his teacher. I felt so much better after that meeting. She may not know anything about SPD, but she is willing to learn. Most importantly, she is willing to work with Cade and willing to do what is necessary to help him learn. She listened to me, really listened, and took notes. She had the school counselor attend the meeting also. I left feeling so much better about the year.

Then came the first day of school. Cade was nervous and excited. I would love to be able to say that he had a great day and everything went perfectly smoothly, but there is that pesky lying thing again. Cade got in the car and told me that his head hurt and his tummy hurt a lot today. That is how he expresses that he is having a hard time. I later learned that he had a collision with a child and he had a meltdown. The teacher was great about telling me about it and about helping him through it. The teacher noticed that he complained about his head and/or stomach hurting during transitions. Look how she is already noticing things! Cade came home and fell apart. I know it is a lot of work for him to try and keep it all together. Luckily we had therapy that afternoon. The therapist gave me a lot of good ideas. So I should have left feeling better, right? Did not happen, I left feeling just awful and overwhelmed. I really need to be doing structured sensory activities during the day with Cade. It is really important to do some things with him when he comes home from school. This is a problem because that is nap time. Nap time is when I work. I am already very, very, VERY far behind in work. How exactly can I take care of my sweet Cade and get my work done? How am I the mother that Cade needs? He needs a mom who doesn't have to work and who can devote herself to meeting his needs. Being a mom is the most important job I have and I can't give it 100%. I was very down last night.

The good news is that a new day always comes. This morning started well. I did not have to wake Cade up (that makes a huge difference in how his day goes). He had a much better day at school. His teacher has noticed that he tends to hum when he is working. She allows the humming. Look at her noticing things that I have never picked up on! We have started a brushing technique on Cade and it seems to be very calming for him. I have discovered that it is NOT a good plan to run any errands right after he gets out of school. He really tends to fall apart. That is an adjustment that I can make. I was able to get a few sensory activities in before lunch and it made a huge difference. After the activities, he was calm and relaxed enough to have some down time during Nate's nap and I was able to get some work done! Maybe this is manageable.

After dinner, we took a trip to the park. Good sensory activities there. Not so good wasps there! Weeks ago we went to the neighborhood park and Cade got stung by a wasp. We had not gone back until tonight. This time, he got stung twice!!! It was not pretty. He screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and screamed. We finally made it home and started first aid, and he still screamed and screamed and screamed. He finally calmed down some but it would not last long and he would start screaming again. He wanted to know why God made bees (wasps is too hard to say). Anyone have an answer to that one?

I feel so bad for my baby. It is so hard to watch him struggle. I want things to be okay for him. He is starting to really notice how different he is. He told me the other day that he is not like other kids. I hope I make him feel that he is so very loved and special to me. My sweet, snuggly boy. Sorry for the long, depressing post. It made me feel better.

Cade was having a very difficult day this day. Here is a picture of him when he was having a hard time keeping it together. He is actually smiling in this picture. Seriously, I am not being sarcastic. He knew he was having a hard day and did not want to ride the rides that he normally loves. I think it is good that he is beginning to notice when he is "off".

Here he is just a few minutes later. The difference is amazing.